A few years back when I was still living in Mexico City, I was close to completion on the second draft of my novel On Solid Ground. I was steaming through chapter by chapter, editing, and transforming the words into something ready for my beta readers to dive into. The date to send the book out was set. I had it all planned. I worked extra hard to ensure that all my journalistic pieces and other paid work were completed ahead of deadline so that I had two clear weeks ahead of me to reach this important goal. I felt so pleased that I was offering myself and my novel this gift and that I was prioritising my creative work.
Then…the night before my two weeks of dedicated time on my novel began, I sent a text.
That text would cause a low-level drama in my life, that would make my head muggy and would ultimately lead to my emotions taking centre stage for the next few days.
The full details aren’t necessary (and I actually can’t even remember them- which is interesting in itself), but let’s just say the text was to an ex who had the unfaltering ability at that time to rock me off my steady perch and I knew it. I didn’t do it consciously, absolutely not, but somewhere deep down inside, the pressure of dedicated time to work on my novel that would result in it being sent to others was too much, so I sabotaged it.
Now I am more aware of this pattern, I see it playing out all the time in my creative circles. So much so, I have given it a name; Emotional Procrastination.
I see writers getting caught up in a tiny argument with a partner just as they have the most important deadline of their life. I see writers fixate on a problem with their boss all through the holiday they specifically took to spend time with their writing and I see writers painstakingly plan a writing retreat only to get swept up into a family drama the night before they are supposed to head off into uninterrupted writing bliss.
Does this ring any bells? Do you get really close to your goals or get a good stretch of free time to write only for the pressure becomes too much and, in some way or another, you create an emotional situation in your life that takes all your energy and attention?
We are creatives, we make up great stories and we can use this skill to our disadvantage too.
A writer friend and I share this question that has now become a joke between us… “Am I really upset about this or am I just a writer with a deadline?”
Maybe the next time the pressure is on and suddenly you find yourself in a drama, you might want to ask yourself the same thing…
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Recommendations
Things I have enjoyed recently…
Article: What If the Block is the Medicine? I loved this beautifully lyrical and inspiring piece about ‘writers’ block’ in
Newsletter: I keep talking about this with writer friends and it probably deserves a newsletter in itself, but with the winner of the Booker being published by an Indie Press and 7 out of the 13 longlisted books also published by Indies, I think there is a bigger conversation about the traditional publishing world, commerce and art to be had. This Mslexia newsletter also points to their compendium of Indie Presses available for purchase.
Article: It wouldn’t be my newsletter without some mention of Zadie Smith, now would it? This Vogue article is just glorious. ““I have this really strong urge to speak clearly,” [Smith] replies. “Unimpededly. Unsponsored. And free. I just think that’s my job.” After we wave goodbye, I watch her wheel her red bicycle up Kilburn Lane, off to pick up her kids from school.”
Thank you for being here! Keep Writing As You Are.
Shockingly I don’t need to create an emotional drama. If I have a deadline, I will start playing solitaire, telling myself it’s thinking time. Two or three hours later I’ve run out of excuses and hate myself!!!
I needed to read this, thank you! Filling the space with anything that is not writing is all too easy and familiar but sometimes we forget the less obvious sabotage tactics 😨 I love that Julia Cameron quote!