Giving Yourself Grace
Trusting the fallow moments as a writer
I have just travelled halfway around the world and am spending time with family. The journey was at once amazing (how can it not be when you are literally flying through the air and arrive into the loving hugs of family you haven’t seen for almost five years) and gruelling, (the seats for the 15-hour leg of the journey were very very tiny). Of course, there was jetlag, but actually the more subtle yet profound feeling was one of trying to land. I know this place well, so things felt familiar. However, part of my energetic self, I guess, was still in Mexico and my life and soul connections there.
My sister suggested I take a bath with Epsom salts to really ground myself and I share that as a top tip, because it really seemed to help. Also getting out among the trees (walking a cute little dog I am looking after) really helped too.
Anyway, what has this got to do with writing? Well, needless to say, not all that much writing has been done these past ten days. I had grand plans to write and brainstorm ideas on the plane. I imagined myself all inspired and writerly as we zoomed across the Pacific, but instead I felt tired, uncomfortable and with little room enough without whipping down the tray table and pulling out my laptop.
Arriving here, I had work to do in the gaps when I wasn’t soaking up family time, so writing once again slipped through the cracks.
I don’t feel great when I am not writing, but I also realise that I had to give myself grace. My inner voice can be very hard on me. It tells me, “if you leave it too long, you may never get back to it.” It says, “what kind of writer are you that doesn’t prioritise writing?” It shouts, “you want to be a novelist but you aren’t working on your new novel.”
So, as I write this, I am choosing to hear those voices, to acknowledge the fear and to give myself grace. I will write again, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week. And if it goes too long, I have the tools to bring myself back to my writing, I know I can never stay away too long. Right now, I have family to soak up and life to live. My writing will be happening in my subconscious and living will inform the story. So, while words might not be reaching the page, I am still a writer, just one that is wild in the world for a while.
How do you cope with the fallow moments? Can you allow yourself to trust that its temporary and perhaps, well needed time away from the page?
*Also for those of you perhaps rightly thinking either a)you are writing Susannah because you wrote this newsletter or b)why not prioritise your other writing over this newsletter? I would reply a)yes, it is true and this has felt really lovely to write but it isn’t the novel b)good point, but I love writing this newsletter and it takes a different part of my soul/brain somehow.
Recommendations
Things I have enjoyed recently…
Why We Write: In keeping with this subject and how I know I will always come back to the page, Jami Attenberg’s latest newsletter was a good reminder. Why do you write?
Fox in the Dark: My dear friend and beautiful writer Lindsey Trout Hughes has a delightful new substack, where she will be hanging out this summer. I highly recommend it, it will be a welcome addition to your inbox.
Mentoring
For the next couple of months I will have a little more availability for morning sessions in the UK and Europe and daytime sessions in Australasia. Now is the time to book in if those times are more convenient for you. Mexico and PT times still work great too!
I work with novelist, memoirists, short story writers, journalists, burgeoning writers getting their first words on the page. I love mentoring and hope to work with you!
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This is very relatable, dear friend. Thank you for sharing to help me feel less alone. Sending you all the grounding vibes and knowing that the words will come when they are ready.
P.S. Hi moon, you just look so good from over there and I have missed you! 🌝
I second Sarah's analogy... it's like crop rotation to let the soil rebalance itself. And who knows what what ideas your family experiences might lend your novel?. Nothing in the world more grounding than family. Your conversations with the moon as well!