On Rejection
Sometimes it really stings...
Eyes tired from reading too many Substacks? Let me read this one to you
At the weekend I received a rejection that hit hard. It was for a story I’d put a lot of work into and if accepted would have meant I would go to London and read it at an event. I felt so excited about this idea. Going to London in December, being able to invite my friends along to hear me read. I write in English in a Spanish-speaking country so I don’t have a ton of opportunities to read my work aloud in public and the thought of sharing my work in that way felt delightful. My birthday is in December too, so I could stay in London for that, I decided. A beloved client has her book launch in Barcelona on December 19, I could be there to celebrate with her too. It all sounded so expansive, so exciting. Financially costly, but worth it.
A friend suggested I manifest it. I asked for tips- I realised that I’d become jaded around the idea of manifesting things. It’s hard to keep manifesting in the face of the mountain of rejections you receive as a writer putting yourself out there over and over and receiving more rejections than acceptances. I made space on my calendar, I prepared as if I was going (pondered what winter clothes I would need to buy), I started to do the time zone maths to ensure I could keep up with client calls from London. And then….
Thank you for your story, but it wasn’t picked this time.
Rationally, I get it. It’s a popular competition, mine was one of many stories, it’s subjective, I can submit it elsewhere. I love the story and loved writing it (which is the most important thing). Emotionally, though, it hurt. I’d allowed myself to get excited and now I had to deal with the deep disappointment. Mentally, I spent the evening feeling shame, with my mind going into free-fall about what a terrible writer I must be, how every other writer is better than me, feeling shut out of the writing world, and wondering what I had to show for all my hard work.
And this is all part of the experience of this career as a writer… I get really excited, ride on the dream of possibility for a while and then my bubble gets burst. Not all the time, but often. I try to trick myself sometimes, pretend I’m not excited. Do you ever do that? Pretend to be nonchalant in the hope that it might influence the outcome? But how do you trick yourself out of a feeling, when feeling is what we do pretty well at as writers?
I wasn’t going to share this. It’s hard sometimes to show the vulnerable side, but this is also the reality of being a writer and it’s important to talk about it, so that the shame doesn’t stay hidden inside us. There is a lot of rejection and a lot of getting your hopes up to be let down in this writing game. A lot of having to trust that you are good writer in the face of the inevitable rejections when sharing work.
“Sometimes the difference between a story no one wants and a story everyone wants, is nothing.” Matt Trinetti, London Writers’ Salon
I remember at school, I would always work out what the system wanted from me to get decent grades and more often than not I could ‘play’ the system to get those grades. There’s very little playing the system in art. It’s subjective, it’s luck. If there’s any playing of the system it’s hard work, tenacity and keeping going.
When I got a story accepted the other month, I felt a deep sense of gratitude to my former self for not having given up during the rough moments. I felt proud of myself for keeping going. I saw in that moment how it really is just about keeping writing and keeping putting yourself out there. How only in doing that do we even give ourselves the chances of the yeses.
So, I’ll remind myself that in this tender moment and also treat myself to something for the little heartbreak of getting my hopes dashed once again. Then tomorrow, I will write again and the next day and the next.
Recommendations
A few things I enjoyed recently…
Article: Another wonderful piece On Rejection in the Stinging Fly by Mia Gallager. It doesn’t stop once you’re published, it’s just part of writing life.
Book: Taking of stings, I just finished The Bee Sting by Paul Murray. This 650 page tome is still living in my head. It infiltrated my dreams, it took over my thoughts. It’s both literary and a page turner. A family saga for the ages.
Endurance: From rejection to endurance, this piece written a few years back by Jessie Burton continues to be an important read for those of us working on longer projects.
Resilience: A previous piece I wrote about rejection, with some great and comforting tidbits from Will Storr.
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Thank you for writing this! I think we need to talk about rejection more, especially as writers and artists.
Thanks for the post, Susannah. I could really feel the anticipation and the letdown, followed by your serene reflection on the event. I rarely submit work these days. But if and when I do, I'll think back to your words of self-encouragement.