The Spaces in Between

the part that no one speaks of...

Something that is very rarely spoken about is the liminal space in writing, that time when you have done all the hard work, you have grunted and sweated your way to the finish line of your novel, sent to agents and then….silence.

I have debated sharing the fact that I am querying my new novel. I haven’t shared until now because it felt too vulnerable, too exposing. What if I don’t get an agent, what if nobody wants my book? But, then I realised if we writers don’t share these uncomfortable parts of the process, we are doing a disservice, we are not sharing the part of writing a novel that is in some ways harder than the writing itself- the waiting, the silence, the second-guessing.

I sent my first submissions to agents in late August and have been playing the waiting game ever since. I received one quick turn-around rejection, and promptly sent out a new submission to a different agent (each rejection a call to action to send a new submission, so as not to get caught up in the rejection). Beyond that one rejection, there has been silence.   

Now, I don’t how you deal with silence, but I fill silence with a lot of noise and that noise is generally negative. They don’t like it, it is badly written, I’ll never be published, I am a bad writer, I shouldn’t have written it (insert your own). I have been fascinated to notice that I rarely fill silence with positives.

Another issue here is the lack of control. I feel like I should be doing something. If I really want this, I should be fighting for it, right? BUT, so far as I can tell, I have literally done everything I can. I have written the best novel I could write, I have crafted the most compelling synopsis and cover letter I could, I carefully researched the right agents to query, now I just have to accept that it is out of my control.

Nature is the best gift for helping us go with the flow (Riviera Nayarit, Mexico)

I speak regularly with another writer who is also querying her novel and we try to appease each other. “Agents are so busy,” we say, “they just haven’t got to our submission yet. No news is good news.” All this is true, AND it is still hard to hear nothing.

I realised when I decided to share this, that rather than lament myself for not having secured an agent within seconds of sending out my manuscript, I should feel proud of myself. I wrote a novel that I am really happy with, a love story to Mexico, a culmination of my decade living here, a reflection on love, family, independence and motherhood, all set within a Mexico beyond the one always spoken of in the press- a Mexico that my Beta readers said they felt drawn into and captivated by. I enjoyed writing it (I am my absolute happiest self when I am creating worlds) and I loved reading it (which I think is a good sign). I am proud of it and I hope that it finds a home and that others might enjoy it too and I will do everything in my power to make that the case. And, if that means getting comfortable with waiting, so be it. I am not giving up just yet!

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