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It can be hard to know what we want. It can be hard because before we’ve even allowed ourselves to want it, our mind has come in with the “how to get it plan,” and then just as quickly written it off as too hard, impossible, unlikely, too grand.
Your heart says you want to be a published journalist for example, writing about subjects that light you up (insert subjects here) and your mind quickly jumps to thinking of all the publications you might pitch too, and then almost immediately tells you “there is so much competition, you know you can’t live off journalism alone, that’s too much work, you know you probably aren’t good enough to get your work noticed.” Ahh, the dulcet tones of fear keeping us in our place and stopping us in our tracks.
So, I am going to offer this idea.
Can you allow yourself five minutes, ten maybe, to really think about what you want and how you want to feel without even thinking about the how? The how will try to come in, just silence it for now (it will get a chance to speak later). Allow yourself to stay in the dream of what you want, just to get clear. Make a cuppa, set a timer, dream, feel into your heart. What comes forward?
Getting clear on what we really want can be the most beautiful gift we can offer ourselves. It gives us clarity, it strips away the layers, it pulls everything out of focus except that one thing. From that place of clarity we can go about finding the how and it often looks very different to the ‘how’ of the fearful mind.
I allowed myself this opportunity to do this over the Christmas break.
What I want, dear readers, more than anything is to be a full-time novelist. Now, really admitting this to myself and you all (eek) isn’t easy. What comes in when I block the ‘how to’, is one deep fear, a fear I think nearly all writers have deep down. “What if I am just not good enough?” That is the baseline fear that brings in all the information to tell me it isn’t possible; give up now before you make a fool of yourself, don’t you know the success rate of authors? That fear is trying to protect me from facing the possibility that I can’t have my dream.
But as soon as I heard the fear, I very quickly thought, what does that even mean? Not good enough according to who, according to what?
To be a novelist, simply means to write novels. I would love for my novels to pay for me to live (that’s the dream right?...which comes with its own challenges too), but if and when they do, I would still offer mentoring (because it is such a pure delight to work with other writers) and I would still be writing more novels.
So, with this clarity, I allow myself a clearer path. It cuts through the other distractions, the things pulling me off course, the shiny things enticing me away. Now, the how can come in to support the goal (ok this is what you want, how can we make that that priority, how do I want to feel as I move towards this goal). The hows become helpful rather than fear based.
So, I offer this to you to try. You may have more than one dream and you may not be sure of your dream. All is fine and getting that clarity either way will be supportive, and focussing on how you want your life to feel can be a great alternative if no concrete dream is clear.
If you would like to share your dream (I know it can be scary to say them out loud) I would love to hear.
Recommendations:
Book: Early Morning Riser by Katherine Heiny. I adored this book which was gifted to me by a friend for my birthday. The attention to character was fabulous, I laughed out loud multiple times (which is rare for me with books) and it was somehow, gentle, poignant and captivating all at once.
First Chapter: The first chapter in Ian McEwan’s Machines Like Me is a masterclass in first chapters. In all, I didn’t super love the book. It lacked some kind of emotional connection for me, although, it has stayed with me and I keep thinking about it, so obviously it did its job.
Resting into Poetry: Poets are like heart whisperers. Here is 40 minutes of Mary Oliver to soothe the soul and delight the heart.
Mentoring
I love to support my clients in moving towards their dreams. I’d love to work with you. If you feel called to dedicate your year to writing, if you’d like to get a project to the finish line, or if you’d like support in sowing the first seeds of a book you’ve always wanted to write, do get in touch.
Here’s what a client had to say:
Querida Susannah, you know how I’ve sporadically written and then walked away from my characters! Currently I’m working on a new creative project for them. It has me facing many things I do not know how to do, so I’m focusing on one step, one task at a time. There’s certainly fear, and those negative voices like to chatter away, though somehow I feel differently about this project and my new approach. Thank you for your perceptive wisdom. It’s always helpful and such a joy to read your posts.
Susannah, what I love about your exercises is that I'm never sure where they'll go. What has come from this is that I prefer encouraging others to write than doing it myself, and also what a wonderful life I have at the moment. It is not what I expected and it could seem quite dull to some people but I really do love my life. I do teach writing workshops already and am trying to get into schools to encourage young people to enjoy creative writing, but I am going to have a bit of a wider look today and see if there is anything out there.
Thank you for the exercise and for the contented feeling I am enjoying :) X